Terry helpfully dropped one of the so called magic beans into my palm. I frowned and held it up – and heard a loud crunch from my pocket. My brow furrowed and I reached into my pocket with my free hand, drawing out my pocket watch. The glass had cracked. One of the gears was sticking out of the edge of the casing, and the hands looked as if they had both tried to leap from their tracks. I tucked it away, quickly. “How many beans did you buy?” I asked.“T-Three...” Terry said.“I’ll pay you three hundred and fifty pounds per bean,” I said, grinning.“Deal!” The gnome exclaimed. “That’ll be enough to make up for your damnfoolishness, Terry!”Terry, looking crestfallen, gave me the beans.As the two of the smaller folk walked off to enjoy their good fortune, Virginia crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me as if I had grown cracked in the head. Her eyebrow arched. “Magic beans, sir? Really? Really? You think we’ll plant them and it’ll grow a great big beanstalk that leads up above. “But what about me?” I asked, plaintively, hoping my obvious distress would soften her heart.No dice. My wife laughed at me again, a mocking supercilious laugh.With a jolt, I realized that she was relishing the situation. It was like I no longer knew this woman and it dawned on me that I could be in a heap of trouble.Just how much trouble became clear when she resumed speaking.“Were you not listening? I don’t give a shit about you. That is all over. I won’t leave you but apart from that forget it. This is about me and me and me. Well, me and my various dishy boyfriends, to be precise. Although, come to think of it, it will be a little bit about you too, because I’m gonna be telling these guys I hook up with about my pathetic inadequate husband who doesn’t get to fuck me anymore, ‘cos he can’t get it up, and we’ll be having a giggle about that while we’re doing it, yeah we will, I’ll make a point of joking about you and your faulty equipment, I bet they’ll love that, sweetie, don’t you.
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